It's been so long since I last blogged...and so much has happened that I don't even know where to start. Since the last time I wrote I don't feel anything but sadness and heart break now. The happy person from before is somewhere in my head, trying to get back to the place I was before..a horrible way over a month ago, I'm not taking it well. After that my boyfriend, the man I was in love with told he he thought it was best to take a break becuase he was stressed where he lives.
Life is surreal. Isnt it? Almost dream-like sometimes. I think about ending the dream and waking up... It's just so weird. One second I'm in love. . .the next dying of heart break. Ever since my one died everything that gave me happiness and light and inspirrtion has dimmed. Nothing but the Highlander movie has motivated me to write anything. (Strange story...)
To tell you the truth My heart is broken, my mind gone. I don't know if this is real anymore becuase it seems like a dream. I drift through each day and do routine things.
It makes me wonder why the person I needed most left me. The person I loved, when I needed them most said to get over it and that they wanted a break because they were stressed. Is it wrong to feel that they don't even care about my pain? I'm dying from it and they don't want to deal with me.
I'm hurt in so many ways and yet so. . .alone. I've never felt this alone. I feel empty and strange, I don't feel any pain besides the pain of losing my son. It's like this isnt my real life.
I tell myself to wake up but when I do, its just another dark day. I feel like I'm not all the way there, like my brain is going slow.
I need a person to be with me constantly and distract me. I need to feel love but I don't know from who. I need someone, a man that I love and loves me back, to hold me and tell me it's ok to cry and that everything will be ok. I also want my baby back...and my man...But which wish will really come true?
Hurricane in my head. . .Hurricane Heart
