This year is going to be interesting...to say the least.
I have not properly introduced myself. I am Lady Stardust. Poet,story teller, daughter from Mars. Ruled by the Pisces and Neptune. I have two spiritual daughters and a spiritual granddaughter. I had a son...as well as a past spirit lover...and a real one.
I read tarot and dreams. I write. I have seen The Lizard King.
I recently traveled away from my desert home and came to call the Queen of the City of Angels my home. I worship, adore, and love Miss P. The greatest love goddess to very grace mortals. Any man who does not love her is a fool.
Due to arial signs of warnings, she is to remain within her city. With this, more music shall be had.
I reside with a mate in our den and yet my heart wonders to the calling of the SunSet beyond. I gaze for it, as I have since birth. It beckons to me, come with us to forests of stone and gold.
The music calls to me. There is much to be had once you have much.
The scales behold the poison tail that cure the fish. Scales flash and dart to where the light goes. Splash too loudly and the beast will swim away as they oft do. That is their way, just how they live. Until one day, a hook reels them to insanity.
Music making, a traveling group with the fallen singer, a screenplayof rainbow risings, a book of magic and tomes of new adventures. Of sadness and confusion, love and pleasure. There's no harm in giving in to abosulte pleasure as the doctor said. But alas, this is simply a form of insanity.
But to love the perverted Stardust, is insanity. So now here I am, dosed by the greenest medicine given by Gods. The fan whirring and cold, the movie old and musical. I sing all the time, I live a musical. A musical with a mental track on the stage in my head. I think its in my head. And this, this is my open diary.
And now, my only close friend is leaving. Six moons of peace in the woods of a new place. Lucky. Here I will stay behind.
Yes it's going to be an interesting year...
Friday, March 27, 2015
New Year
A new Year has come, and with it many changes. Where you are now may not be where you expected to be. Yet here you are and here you will go forth from.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
After a time
I am returning to many things, and many things have become clear to me.
You never know what the last wire is until you get down to it. Until surviving is all you can do. There comes a time in some lives where a final ultimatum is breached, and you have to decide whether you want to leap forward or not.
The ultimatum was decided the night I called the cops on my own family. I begged them to help me, to help the children with me, but they simply turned away and left me on the doorstep. As I stood there that night, after the pigs left, crying and begging her not to return to her destructive ways, she looked right at me and did it anyway. She chose and so did I. Moments like those are impossible to prepare for; no matter how much you tell yourself you'll act a certain way in your head, reality is never what you expect it to be. I never thought I would beg for someone to chose me instead of hurting themselves. When they choose, and its not you, the answer becomes clear and you don't see anything else.
When survival mode clicks in you cant slow down or turn around. There's only one option, one way you can go and that's forward. Go forward full steam and don't stop, leave everything behind except what is vital to your existence. So I left, and she was the one begging me not to go in the end. Doesn't feel good does it?
Being left with no money, nowhere to go, and only two bags of my clothes to my name, I left. I left with no promise of the future, no way to live on my own, I had nothing and came from nothing. I'm not saying I've had it the worst but life sure does have a way of being really fucked up to different people. One thing after another for the past six years of my life have been nothing but hard!
First my life blows up, then I hate my family and they abandon me, we moved constantly never staying for longer than nine months in one place, I had no friends except one, (but he was taken from me.) I never had much beside my library, but that was eventually taken from me too. I lose more than I gain, sometimes I gain in place of something immediately lost, not gaining or losing. It seems most my life that I remember things are taken from me, family, homes, love. After moving around for years we settled in a hell hole dust bowl. I hated it. I lived in constant depression for three year until that finally came down to one night and one choice.
She made her choice, and so did I. I left the very next day without a plan. I packed my bags and just left. I had to, its all I could do. Life is different when your parents both abandon you, life is different when you have no family to help you as family should. After a while of survival, you just stop feeling what hurts. I want nothing more than to completely forget the past ten years of my life as if it never happened. But it wont leave me alone.
Life is full of choices and more than likely, they will hurt. All I have are a few precious friends, I don't have family. Just four kids I had no choice but to leave behind. It hurts, my heart hurts. But with a little help from some suddenly amazing people, I have a new life, and new people I care about. Damn, I care too much about people. But they've come, rather quickly, to mean a lot. Even if they only work with me. But I am engineered to care about people, its like my default.
I don't know what else to do in this fucked up life, but I'm just going to keep going forward...
You never know what the last wire is until you get down to it. Until surviving is all you can do. There comes a time in some lives where a final ultimatum is breached, and you have to decide whether you want to leap forward or not.
The ultimatum was decided the night I called the cops on my own family. I begged them to help me, to help the children with me, but they simply turned away and left me on the doorstep. As I stood there that night, after the pigs left, crying and begging her not to return to her destructive ways, she looked right at me and did it anyway. She chose and so did I. Moments like those are impossible to prepare for; no matter how much you tell yourself you'll act a certain way in your head, reality is never what you expect it to be. I never thought I would beg for someone to chose me instead of hurting themselves. When they choose, and its not you, the answer becomes clear and you don't see anything else.
When survival mode clicks in you cant slow down or turn around. There's only one option, one way you can go and that's forward. Go forward full steam and don't stop, leave everything behind except what is vital to your existence. So I left, and she was the one begging me not to go in the end. Doesn't feel good does it?
Being left with no money, nowhere to go, and only two bags of my clothes to my name, I left. I left with no promise of the future, no way to live on my own, I had nothing and came from nothing. I'm not saying I've had it the worst but life sure does have a way of being really fucked up to different people. One thing after another for the past six years of my life have been nothing but hard!
First my life blows up, then I hate my family and they abandon me, we moved constantly never staying for longer than nine months in one place, I had no friends except one, (but he was taken from me.) I never had much beside my library, but that was eventually taken from me too. I lose more than I gain, sometimes I gain in place of something immediately lost, not gaining or losing. It seems most my life that I remember things are taken from me, family, homes, love. After moving around for years we settled in a hell hole dust bowl. I hated it. I lived in constant depression for three year until that finally came down to one night and one choice.
She made her choice, and so did I. I left the very next day without a plan. I packed my bags and just left. I had to, its all I could do. Life is different when your parents both abandon you, life is different when you have no family to help you as family should. After a while of survival, you just stop feeling what hurts. I want nothing more than to completely forget the past ten years of my life as if it never happened. But it wont leave me alone.
Life is full of choices and more than likely, they will hurt. All I have are a few precious friends, I don't have family. Just four kids I had no choice but to leave behind. It hurts, my heart hurts. But with a little help from some suddenly amazing people, I have a new life, and new people I care about. Damn, I care too much about people. But they've come, rather quickly, to mean a lot. Even if they only work with me. But I am engineered to care about people, its like my default.
I don't know what else to do in this fucked up life, but I'm just going to keep going forward...
Monday, April 15, 2013
2013 is the new 1960's?
So another deadly disaster in America? It's awful about Boston. While it is indeed terrible, frankly I'm not surprised.. Since Sandy Hook there have been numerous shoot outs, slashings, and now bombing.
Is this our generation's new revolution akin to the 1960's?
Or is this all orchestrated by out gloriously fucked up government? Thanks mr president.....thanks for allowing corruption to further enter our nation and tear down what our founding fathers started.
So why now? Why now, since Obama the wonder fuck-up became president, has all of this happened? Greeaaaat. And why now since December of last year? Not much happened prior.
Maybe the end of days is near, maybe its all done by the government, maybe its just the beginning of a revolution.
I, my darlings, am neither republican nor democrat. I believe both sides of the government have royally fucked up and therefore the entire establishment should be torn down and remade as our founding fathers wanted it. I am also of the Hippie kind so the only thing I care about is no war and the total legalization of marijuana. But seriously, what the hell is going on?
Bombing, shooting, movements (the wacko 1% people who are just mad because others are more successful. If they were rich they wouldn't want to pay either! Suck it up! Blame the unjust people in the government not the people who worked for their riches. If I was rich I wouldn't pay for a lazy poor person to get tons of benefits.) What else is going to happen? WW3? Most likely with the way North Korea is acting up.
Hmmm sounds a lot like the 1960's and 70's. Think about it. . .Their WW2 is out Middle East Crisis stuff, their Vietnam is our North Korea?
Yes? No?
Next thing you know we Hippies will make a come back and GOOD FUCKING music will come back...(FUCK YOU MAIN STREAM!)
Anyway...back to politics. Instead of being angry at each other or other countries we should go to the government and ask them what the fuck is up? What the fuck are those dumb asses in suites doing? Gun control is irrelevant, drug control is no good. How do those idiots expect to control other countries when they can't even control their own country?
Yeah, I'm no politician but neither are those fakes in office. If its a revolution they want, why not give them one?
Give them a revolution they didn't expect. Rise against the Government, bring them down. Pull out of other countries, close all borders...And focus on our own problems instead of failing to help others.
Like what Robin Williams said. Has anyone seen that post about his statement concerning bettering the U.S. floatin around on facebook? That sounds like a good idea to me.
But what the hell do I know? This may just be a mass release of lunatics. Or it might be the working of the government. Either way something is coming. It may the end, or a new beginning. Either way this bombing is fucked up, same as the rest of the tragedies that are occurring in and to this country.
Is this our generation's new revolution akin to the 1960's?
Or is this all orchestrated by out gloriously fucked up government? Thanks mr president.....thanks for allowing corruption to further enter our nation and tear down what our founding fathers started.
So why now? Why now, since Obama the wonder fuck-up became president, has all of this happened? Greeaaaat. And why now since December of last year? Not much happened prior.
Maybe the end of days is near, maybe its all done by the government, maybe its just the beginning of a revolution.
I, my darlings, am neither republican nor democrat. I believe both sides of the government have royally fucked up and therefore the entire establishment should be torn down and remade as our founding fathers wanted it. I am also of the Hippie kind so the only thing I care about is no war and the total legalization of marijuana. But seriously, what the hell is going on?
Bombing, shooting, movements (the wacko 1% people who are just mad because others are more successful. If they were rich they wouldn't want to pay either! Suck it up! Blame the unjust people in the government not the people who worked for their riches. If I was rich I wouldn't pay for a lazy poor person to get tons of benefits.) What else is going to happen? WW3? Most likely with the way North Korea is acting up.
Hmmm sounds a lot like the 1960's and 70's. Think about it. . .Their WW2 is out Middle East Crisis stuff, their Vietnam is our North Korea?
Yes? No?
Next thing you know we Hippies will make a come back and GOOD FUCKING music will come back...(FUCK YOU MAIN STREAM!)
Anyway...back to politics. Instead of being angry at each other or other countries we should go to the government and ask them what the fuck is up? What the fuck are those dumb asses in suites doing? Gun control is irrelevant, drug control is no good. How do those idiots expect to control other countries when they can't even control their own country?
Yeah, I'm no politician but neither are those fakes in office. If its a revolution they want, why not give them one?
Give them a revolution they didn't expect. Rise against the Government, bring them down. Pull out of other countries, close all borders...And focus on our own problems instead of failing to help others.
Like what Robin Williams said. Has anyone seen that post about his statement concerning bettering the U.S. floatin around on facebook? That sounds like a good idea to me.
But what the hell do I know? This may just be a mass release of lunatics. Or it might be the working of the government. Either way something is coming. It may the end, or a new beginning. Either way this bombing is fucked up, same as the rest of the tragedies that are occurring in and to this country.
Monday, April 8, 2013
House of the Lizard
Not all has been well since my last blog my darlings. I've encountered death. His black hood cast a shadow so deep I was swallowed by the eminent sadness that follows. I was in that blackness for all this time.
Until out of the dark came light. Love and new life came to me when I needed it, if I didn't so much want it.
I found the Lizard King. He's been there my whole life but my eyes have finally seen him. He has given me direction.
I find it debatable whether he actually died or not. After all he did and he went to Paris to die? Seems too perfect. Whether he died or not, it was a perfect plan. He is forever imaged as the young demigod he was. He will never grow old, though he is dead he will never die. His voice will never fade.
He saved me from the void of nothing. Brought me back to life and showed me people and things I was meant to see today.
Because of him Death wasn't able to take the second half of my soul as it did take my son's soul.
Thanks to the Lizard King I have exposed myself to my deepest fear; losing the love of my life. And so I Am Free.
House of the Lizard a new uprising.
Until out of the dark came light. Love and new life came to me when I needed it, if I didn't so much want it.
I found the Lizard King. He's been there my whole life but my eyes have finally seen him. He has given me direction.
I find it debatable whether he actually died or not. After all he did and he went to Paris to die? Seems too perfect. Whether he died or not, it was a perfect plan. He is forever imaged as the young demigod he was. He will never grow old, though he is dead he will never die. His voice will never fade.
He saved me from the void of nothing. Brought me back to life and showed me people and things I was meant to see today.
Because of him Death wasn't able to take the second half of my soul as it did take my son's soul.
Thanks to the Lizard King I have exposed myself to my deepest fear; losing the love of my life. And so I Am Free.
House of the Lizard a new uprising.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Post of Hurricane Heart
It's been so long since I last blogged...and so much has happened that I don't even know where to start. Since the last time I wrote I don't feel anything but sadness and heart break now. The happy person from before is somewhere in my head, trying to get back to the place I was before..a horrible way over a month ago, I'm not taking it well. After that my boyfriend, the man I was in love with told he he thought it was best to take a break becuase he was stressed where he lives.
Life is surreal. Isnt it? Almost dream-like sometimes. I think about ending the dream and waking up... It's just so weird. One second I'm in love. . .the next dying of heart break. Ever since my one died everything that gave me happiness and light and inspirrtion has dimmed. Nothing but the Highlander movie has motivated me to write anything. (Strange story...)
To tell you the truth My heart is broken, my mind gone. I don't know if this is real anymore becuase it seems like a dream. I drift through each day and do routine things.
It makes me wonder why the person I needed most left me. The person I loved, when I needed them most said to get over it and that they wanted a break because they were stressed. Is it wrong to feel that they don't even care about my pain? I'm dying from it and they don't want to deal with me.
I'm hurt in so many ways and yet so. . .alone. I've never felt this alone. I feel empty and strange, I don't feel any pain besides the pain of losing my son. It's like this isnt my real life.
I tell myself to wake up but when I do, its just another dark day. I feel like I'm not all the way there, like my brain is going slow.
I need a person to be with me constantly and distract me. I need to feel love but I don't know from who. I need someone, a man that I love and loves me back, to hold me and tell me it's ok to cry and that everything will be ok. I also want my baby back...and my man...But which wish will really come true?
Hurricane in my head. . .Hurricane Heart
Life is surreal. Isnt it? Almost dream-like sometimes. I think about ending the dream and waking up... It's just so weird. One second I'm in love. . .the next dying of heart break. Ever since my one died everything that gave me happiness and light and inspirrtion has dimmed. Nothing but the Highlander movie has motivated me to write anything. (Strange story...)
To tell you the truth My heart is broken, my mind gone. I don't know if this is real anymore becuase it seems like a dream. I drift through each day and do routine things.
It makes me wonder why the person I needed most left me. The person I loved, when I needed them most said to get over it and that they wanted a break because they were stressed. Is it wrong to feel that they don't even care about my pain? I'm dying from it and they don't want to deal with me.
I'm hurt in so many ways and yet so. . .alone. I've never felt this alone. I feel empty and strange, I don't feel any pain besides the pain of losing my son. It's like this isnt my real life.
I tell myself to wake up but when I do, its just another dark day. I feel like I'm not all the way there, like my brain is going slow.
I need a person to be with me constantly and distract me. I need to feel love but I don't know from who. I need someone, a man that I love and loves me back, to hold me and tell me it's ok to cry and that everything will be ok. I also want my baby back...and my man...But which wish will really come true?
Hurricane in my head. . .Hurricane Heart
Friday, June 8, 2012
I am the KIIIIINNGGG!!!
Go check out my friend The King's blog! And his youtube channel Bennett5205.
He is a good friend of mine and very funny. Stay strange deers! Another Strange Infatuations post to come soon.
He is a good friend of mine and very funny. Stay strange deers! Another Strange Infatuations post to come soon.
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